At least once a week I get a call/text/email about some company who desperately needs a physical therapist.  Salary is 75-100k.  They will pay moving expenses if needed.

 

My job is in demand.

 

It would be so easy to just ‘fuck it’, and take one of these positions.

 

::poof:: all our financial worries would go out the window in an instant.

I could put Remy in daycare & the fact that there are days where we are literally working JUST to pay our nanny would be a thing of the past.

 

I could say ‘screw it’ to eating organic, high quality foods & spending half my paycheck at the grocery store.

 

All of this would seriously make things SO much easier.

 

But.  I’ve been there (well, minus the daycare thing….).

I’ve worked at the great paying PT clinic.

And everyday, I either complained about it, or had to spend valuable mental energy to focus in on a positive attitude.

 

 

I used to super-coupon on eat on a ridiculously cheap budget.  That receipt where you’ve saved 4x more than you actually spent?  That used to be me.    And I felt terrible.  I had more aches & pains at the age of 22 than most 65 year olds.

 

 

 

I could have listened to the doctors tell me there was nothing I could do for my post-concussion syndrome.  Signed up for disability.  And who knows where I’d be – still waking up every morning like I got hit by a truck, having to avoid most social situations, and feeling like my head was a hot air balloon.

 

It would be even easier to stop trying to manage my emotions – just explode on my husband when I’m angry.  Hold in what I do want & get mad when he can’t read my mind.  Avoid difficult conversations.  Have weeks where everything is ‘fine’ until I just can’t hold it in any more & I pick a fight.

 

Yah.  I’ve been there.

 

And sometimes, I am still there.

 

Which is exactly what I need to remind myself that I have chosen my own path.

 

I chose to spend thousands of dollars on my own health and recovery after my concussion.

 

I chose to quit my cozy job, go down to part time & start building my own business from the ground up.

 

I choose to stop, breathe & re-frame my mind so I can halt the reactivity and instead say something productive.

 

I choose financial struggles to have a nanny and not put Remy in a daycare just yet.

 

I choose financial struggles to feel healthy and not eat crap that I know makes my body feel terrible.

 

And I choose this daily work of fully believing that I am worthy of doing all of these things.  That I am worthy of the love & admiration from my husband, and of my amazing, perfect son.

 

Even when it feels hard as hell.

 

To be continued….