Uncategorized

The case against pantry cleanouts…

“Ugh, you just need to throw away ALL of it”.

 

This is what a woman, let’s call her Sally, recently told me happened when she hired a *very* expensive nutritionist to help her get healthy.

 

Sally had broken her leg months prior and put 60 extra pounds onto her body that was already about 50 pounds overweight.

 

She was ready to do something about it.

 

But this killed the momentum.

 

She felt shamed & hopeless.

 

And the nutritionist “fired” her as a client when she couldn’t follow through, and blamed her.

 

I am ashamed to say that 2 years ago, I probably would have done something similar. This was before I realized that I wasn’t some super special exception that SUCKED at follow through.

 

It was only more recently & by adopting another healer’s languaging that I realized:

 

anytime I had tried to take action from a place of fear, disgust, hate, or “should do”, I pretty much failed at any internal goals. Instead, I now work to put myself into the energy I desire – and make that choice over & over again. That energy is usually self-love, respect, and/or gratitude. When I stay in the energy of the problem, the problem just persists.

 

Once I noticed this pattern, a HUGE lightbulb went off. And while many things in my life shifted, it wasn’t this magical ‘ahhhhh everything is now going perfectly and I am doing exactly what I want to be doing’ moment. Ha, I wish.

 

Instead, it opened the doors for me to start taking action.

 

Had someone come in and thrown out everything that was “holding me back”, I woulda cussed them out behind their back & gone and dug things out of the trash after they left. But the people pleasing side of me would have probably just nodded & pretended to agree & be okay with it all.

 

Which is what Sally did. She agreed to everything the nutritionist was asking of her, and then, once alone, she went out, bought many of the same things, and binge ate.

 

Like I said, 2 years ago, I would have silently judged her behavior. But luckily, I didn’t meet her two years ago. I met her after I knew better, and instead, a huge flood of empathy & compassion flooded over me.

 

The nutritionist probably never knew she caused this to occur. She will probably continue to do similar pantry clean outs, and I can’t fault her for that. It is what we are taught to do by not only our schooling, but by society.

 

And hey, for some, it can work. If you feel compelled and excited to throw something out – go for it. But if you feel dread & anxiety, then something else needs to shift FIRST. You cannot just skip this step and expect long lasting, sustainable results. By the way, discomfort? That is okay. Change IS uncomfortable.

 

Rather than cleaning out your pantry – first clean out negative energy & emotions.

 

One of the FASTEST ways to do this is gratitude. Every time you wash your hands, just say 1 thing you are grateful for. It could be the very water you are using. Or for your hands that do so much. Or for your bed for being so comfy. It doesn’t matter – just pick something ūüôā

 

Then, begin to notice repetitive habits/cycles and brainstorm where the root of them are, and start trying to shift them there….not the habit itself.

 

For example, if you are binging on wine & cookies after a stressful time putting your kids to bed that takes 3 hours every night, trying to avoid wine & cookies isn’t going to be too productive, because you are likely driven to this because of the bedtime routine stress. So, instead, look at why bedtime is taking 3 hours. What can you start shifting? Can you get it to 2.5? Then 2? Then 1.75? ‚Ķand so on. Yes, this might mean more crying/tears from the kiddos at first while they are adjusting. It may mean having to go through the tough work of setting some clear boundaries (that doesn’t happen overnight!). But, chances are, the stressful bedtime is leading to the binging, so once that shifts, you aren’t having to fight with yourself.

 

All the while, being grateful Рthat you have beds for your kids to sleep in, that you have children, that you have food on the table…whatever it is.

 

I do want to add, you can be grateful AND frustrated. You’re allowed to have a tough time when you’re shifting things. You’re allowed to feel exhausted and beat by your toddler’s tantrums to these new boundaries (or whatever shift you’re making). Gratitude is NOT ignoring emotions and pretending everything is hunky-dory. It is being grateful for these tough moments because they provide resiliency, and because they mean you are a human and are alive.

 

Cleaning your pantry without being in an energy of renewal, gratitude & self love is unfortunately, destined to just re-attract the things that are no longer serving you.

 

This isn’t overnight work. This can take time & guidance. Often, we are so close to our own issues that we can’t quite see where to start.

 

Don’t ever feel like you need to go at this alone – there are so many supportive resources out there from trusted friends & family, books, group programs and 1:1 coaching support. If you don’t know where to start with all this, I am more than happy to help – just sign up for a free consultation here¬†& I can help you figure out the next best step to take (hint: it won’t be a pantry clean out!).

Want me to tell you what to eat?

“Can’t you just tell me what to eat?”

 

I get asked this a lot. As if I am hiding some secret. As if I am in some secret society that holds all the answers to nutrition. And that it will take 30 seconds to share that information.

 

And actually, sure – if you want the un-individualized food guide I provide people with just to get started (I end up individualizing with each person as we gain information), just email me at Andrea@drandreamoore.com. Right now. What are you waiting for? I promise I will send it to you, no problem, no obligation, free of charge.

 

The fact that you are reading this makes it very likely that you already do know what to eat. Hint: real, whole foods is a great place to start!

 

The reality is, when I do provide the “answer”, nothing happens. Little to no action gets taken. I have even had people look at it and say, “no, I can’t do this, what are my other options?”

 

Which is exactly why I hate answering the question “Can’t you just tell me what to eat”.

 

Sure, I can, but chances are, you won’t. And it is NOT because you are lazy or lacking will power.

 

And even if you do, I doubt you’ll be completely satisfied or sustain it longterm. Why? Because there is SO much more than what you eat that goes into feeling amazing, comfortable in your body, vibrant, balanced & healthy. Plus, any food recommendations are generic – while a great guideline, it takes connecting with your own body to eat in a way that makes you feel fantastic.

 

Eating nourishing foods is a necessary step along that process. But in the same way breathing is a necessary step to exercise. They are both damn important, but alone, won’t lead to the outcomes you desire.

 

So now you know I am happy to share the guide. You will notice I am not attaching it to this post. Why? Because I already know most people who wanted an answer to the original question won’t bother to even take the time to email me. Which of course, is a huge part of the problem. If you can’t even email me to ask for it, would you actually follow through with it?

 

And I am truly not criticizing lack of follow through. Trust me, I get it. My own lack of follow through is the EXACT reason I do what I do (different story, another time). It is why I decided to help people who feel like being healthy is exhausting. Those who don’t know how to fit it into their lives. Those who want to feel at home in their bodies, but instead feel anxious and distracted by food, always hoping for the next magic fix. Because willpower isn’t the answer, there is more to the story.

To help get you started on your journey, I have a few action steps for you.

 

  1. Ask yourself, “What am I actually looking for when I ask ‘can you just tell me what to eat’?”
    Is it the hopes of a quick fix? The hope that I will affirm whatever choices you are currently making? Or that you think you are eating the right thing, but aren’t getting the results you want?
    Get clear on that. Whatever you answer, it is a critical starting point, because something isn’t working for you right now. If it was, it is unlikely you would have read this far!
  2. Ask yourself, “Why have I not yet invested the time/money/effort into a solution yet?” It is possible you didn’t even know you could, or because you haven’t found the right fit. Maybe you are scared. Maybe you don’t believe that you deserve to. Maybe you haven’t put yourself first in so long, you don’t remember how. Or, you might be thinking “I HAVE”, but it didn’t solve my issues (which I would then urge you to refer back to my point about nutrition not being everything!).¬† Get super clear on this.
  3. Share your answers with me! I would LOVE to hear what you came up with. Email them to me (Andrea@drandreamoore.com), share them in the comments, or, even better, sign up for a complementary discovery session and we can discuss them over the phone & I can help you with the solution!

 

Health doesn’t have to feel like a chore…

I have had many clients excitedly tell me everything they are doing to get healthy – meticulously tracking every calorie/macro, exercising for at least an hour everyday & spending hours researching the latest health trends.

 

Despite their enthusiasm, I hear that exhausted strain in the back of their throat.  Just trying to put myself in their shoes starts sucking the life out of ME!  Health has become another full -time job for them!

 

In my opinion, once ‘trying to get healthy’ has become a chore or a job, it just starts working against you. ¬†And becomes this vicious cycle or stress & restriction which slow down or even reverse our ability to heal.

 

 

Being healthy should not feel exhausting.

 
 

That is literally the exact opposite of what being healthy should feel like!  Being healthy should be liberating & energizing!

 
 

When I first realized this for myself, my initial thought was

 

‘well if I don’t restrict myself & force myself to eat a certain way, I’ll become an indulgent, fat, lazy slob.” ¬†

 

And I KNOW I am not alone in that thought.

 
 

It feels like we are stuck in this ‘either or’ place. ¬†Either I get super serious about my health & treat it like a chore‚ĶOR‚ĶI just say ‘fuck it’ and eat donuts, nachos & ice cream all day, and gain 100 pounds.

 

 

What if there was another option?

 
 

What if there was a place to be healthier AND not have health feel like a chore?

 
 
The awesome news is – there is!
 
 
  1. Decide what you want your life to look like (this is different from what you don’t want!). ¬†Get crystal friggin clear on exactly how you want your life to be, feel like, what you want to happen everyday & WHY.
  2. Figure out what *really* needs to happen to get there.  This often involves things beyond food (you can take my assessment to help uncover that in more details here:  https://www.drandreamoore.com/assessment
  3. Align your actions with the outcome you want
 
 

It is that simple.

 
 

Sort of.

 
 

 It does take practice.  And lots & lots of intention.

 
 

But I can tell you, when I am choosing to not eat a donut because I have a call with a client on that I want to be operating at my 100% at – because being at my 100% ¬†for my clients is a huge priority – the choice is easy. ¬†I don’t even want the donut.

 
 

But, when I am trying not to eat a donut because “I shouldn’t have that” or “I am going to the beach in 2 weeks” – I guarantee I’ll fail every. Single. Time. ¬†IN fact, I’ll probably eat 2 donuts. ¬†Have I ever mentioned I have like ZERO will power?

 
 
 

Oh, and sometimes?  I really want a donut, and I just eat one.  And that is cool, too.

 
 

When we see health as a chore, and not as a way to get to our dreams & goals, it becomes about will power.  It is a game we will eventually lose & works against us.

 
 
If you can make health run in the background Рsomething that is just a part of who you are and what you do, no questions asked…it can open up so many more possibilities!

You haven’t tried it all.

 

 

Getting healthy can feel insanely overwhelming.

 

On the positive side, there are so many different doors that can be opened and addressed (meaning, if you haven’t reached your goals, I can GUARANTEE there is something you haven’t tried)….but this also means…there are a shit ton of things to look at!

 

Sleep, nutrition, spirituality, joy, exercise, mindset, releasing old trauma, setting boundaries….the list goes on.¬† Each is its own unique door taking you to something new on the other side.

 

I literally can hear your cries through the computer…they are either:

 

“omg, stop, I need to address all of these & I don’t know where to begin”

 

or

 

“I’ve tried ALL of these and nothing has helped”

 

If you’re in the first camp…start with one thing.¬† Whatever sounds most fun and/or doable.¬† Simple as that.¬† Just one thing at a time.

 

If you’re in the second – I’ll invite you to re-evaluate.¬† And if you feel yourself pushing back like CRAZY, then the mindset piece may be a great area to investigate with a coach (honestly, this one is TOUGH to do yourself!).¬† To be perfectly honest, usually those who say this have tried less than they think.¬† Or just haven’t given it enough time.

 

Here is the thing, you just may not be ready to tackle certain areas, and that is totally cool.

 

I don’t see self responsibility as all or nothing.

 

You can choose to be responsible for some areas, and not others.

 

I personally became self responsible for my own physical health well before I became responsible for my emotional health. And I refuse to ever become self responsible for doing my taxes. Ever.

 

Seriously. Is that a weird life goal? Never having to do my own taxes!?

 

But whatever it is you are choosing to be or not be self responsible for – you need to OWN it. Be mindful of it. Be intentional and conscientious about it.

 

Where we get stuck on our journeys is when we refuse to acknowledge that we aren’t taking responsibility for ourselves.

 

Take my stupid example of taxes (clearly not required for health, but it is an easy example) – because I own that decision.¬† I know that by choosing that, it means I need to make sure SOMEONE (my husband!) is doing them for me. So I am responsible for that. If I completely neglected that – well, i guess that would mean I would risk going to jail for tax fraud – or whatever happens when you don’t pay your taxes.

 

This is where so many people end up. In a jail of their own making. Feeling stuck and locked up. Yelling desperately for someone to come let them out.  Or curled up in the fetal position just waiting.  And completely failing to realize they can open then door themselves.

 

Or in some cases, they do realize it Рbut that door is heavy as shit & rusted over.  It is not just going to swing open.

 

But ask yourself, what is the alternative?

 

If you aren’t going to open the door, who is?¬† What will happen?

 

Sure, maybe some well meaning people will turn on a light, toss you some food.

 

And for some, they will ride this out until the day they die.¬† Whether they acknowledge it or not.¬† Always expecting others to fix them or take care of them.¬† Pissed at the world when they don’t get their way.¬† Resentful of doctors that don’t solve their problem.¬† Giving up because ‘there is nothing that can be done’.

 

 

Or.

 

You can open the door.

 

It may take months or years to chip away at it.   And once you pry it open, the sunlight is so bright it forces you back into your dark jail.  But slowly, your eyes adjust.

 

You step out, legs shaky from being cooped up. 

 

Peering around this bright, beautiful new world can be terrifying.¬† All of a sudden endless options and paths are laid out in front of you.¬† It can be hard to even know which one to start on.¬† You may spend months just standing there – wondering ‘how the hell do I even pick which one to go down’.

 

And eventually, you realize the most beautiful thing ever Рit does not matter.  As you finally look up and look ahead, you realize they are all interconnected.  You pick whichever one you want, and then veer off an choose another.  In this world, the options are endless because you are completely free to make your own choices and build your own individual path.

 

Which doors will you choose to open?

 

Need help deciding?¬† Don’t hesitate to schedule a FREE consultation & I can help brainstorm with you on your next best step!

 

No one gets to take a shortcut…

My client was sitting in front of me, holding back tears. “I am just SO frustrated and fed up with this pain! I feel like you haven’t made any progress on me”

 

I winced.  Those words hurt.

 

I took a few deep breaths before diving deep into questions with her.

 

Over the next 15 minutes, we clarified exactly what was so frustrating, how the pain is affecting her & developed a game plan.

 

Old me would have freaked out. Panicked, gotten her right up on the treatment table & would have tried to throw every possible treatment at her.

 

And it would have failed.

 

Wiser me was able to stop, assess & get a clearer picture of what was really going on.

 

This was only her 4th session after 4 months of pain, which she ignored. She also had almost a month lapse between her first 2 sessions, and then was not compliant with her home exercises.

 

And…when I took the time to ask, I realized her original 9/10 pain was now at MOST a 5/10, and she no longer was limited in reaching a high shelf.

 

No progress!?? This was tremendous progress!

 

I also asked her what her alternative was. She didn’t have one.

 

Through some questions, I discovered what she thought she wanted was for me to give her something that would make things move faster. What she actually wanted was for me to do the work for her. To just make it go away.

 

In a round-a-bout way, she accused me of having answers & hiding them in order to keep making her coming to sessions.  Which is a very hurtful thing to think.  If I had this, I would be shouting it from the rooftops!!

 

Ultimately, it comes down to people who want to change, but are unwilling to invest in themselves. People I meet at a social gathering & want me to tell them how to heal their chronic knee pain – as if I had some secret weapon that you only get when you become a doctor of physical therapy – and only a few special souls will ever get to see.

 

And I used to try. I used to try to tell them everything that needed to be done. And it never worked.

 

Obviously. There is a reason people go to physical therapy for week after week. There is a reason my nutritional therapy sessions come in a 3 month package.

 

There are no shortcuts. There is no way to teleport to our destination (and least not yet!).

 

Along the way, we may find solutions that feel like we are on a bullet train to our destination & make huge progress in short periods. Other times, it feels like we are trudging through a thick swampland to get there. But we can keep moving forward. And sometimes we may need to sit and wallow in the mud, and that is okay, too!

One absolutely key stop on this road is self responsibility. Sure, I show people how to take control of their health & guide them to healing physical pain – but all I am is a guide. I cannot do it for them. In some cases, them just showing up and being open to receiving the help is enough. In those cases, it is often because they have already certain stops on their journey & have taken ownership of the healing process.

 

In other cases, much larger shifts need to happen. For my 56 year old client, this was the case.

 

It didn’t take long to begin creating significant shifts – she was ready for her shoulder pain to get better once she understood I wasn’t hiding a magic cure. In that¬†session, we were able to do more exercises & improve her pain exponentially.

 

But it isn’t the end of the road for her.

 

Her body has been crying out for help for years. She has poorly managed Celiac disease, poor oral health, skin issues as well as tendencies toward anxiety & depression.  Luckily, she is starting to listen.

 

While we may be able to decrease her shoulder pain, it is likely that another body part, organ or system will start screaming soon, too.

 

This doesn’t mean we can’t utilize some quick fixes as needed.¬† But ultimately, for true healing & health, there are no shortcuts.

 

ALL aspects of health need to be addressed: nutrition, movement, sleep, spirituality, mindset, clearing past traumas & having joy.¬† ¬†And this is GREAT news….because if you haven’t reached your goals & are feeling stuck – there is LOTS to look at other than just food & exercise!!

 

But be wary of shortcuts.  Or at least be very aware of that is what they are.

 

If you’ve found yourself guilty of thinking someone has a magic area (<— OOH, I HAVE!!!!), then it is time to step back & re-evaluate where you are on your journey.¬† Then pick a thing from the essentials listed above that seems the EASIEST to address, and start there, with one little baby step.

 

Not quite sure how?¬† Don’t hesitate to schedule a FREE consultation with me & I can help guide you!

 

 

Your Physiology Doesn’t Care About Your Excuses

 

I have a physical therapy client who occasionally shows up with back pain, pain in both wrists & both knees.  She works full time and has an 18 month old.  She originally came a few months after having her baby, and had a bad uterine infection, and was so weak, she was worried about dropping her baby.

 

After I evaluated her and understood what was going on, I recommended she come in twice per week for at least 4 weeks.

 

“But I don’t have time, I’m going back to work”, she tells me.

 

How and why she thought going back to work with an active infection, while still very much recovering from her C-section was a good idea was beyond me.  I understand some financially can feel incredibly tied, but she did have some flexibility.

 

She came back once, and then I didn’t see her again for 2-3 months.

 

She still had the infection.  She had been on about 5 rounds of antibiotics.  She was still in pain.

 

And again, she didn’t have time to keep coming.

 

Again, I saw her a few months later.  Luckily the infection had resolved, but likely do to all the antibiotics, stress and lack of exercise, every joint hurt. She was exhausted & irritable.

 

But she still didn’t have time.

 

And I haven’t seen her since.

 

I am hoping for the best for her, but frankly, unless she found a way to make herself a priority, that is an incredibly unlikely scenario.

 

In my professional opinion, had she made the choice to take some extra time off and dedicate time to her own healing, she would likely be back at work, healthy, happy & much stronger.

 

But often, that step back from life/work feels impossible.

 

I can’t tell you how many times I hear things like “but I have a huge deadline coming up” or ” there is no way I could ever give up ::insert food causing full body inflammation::, I just love it too much”.¬† or “I don’t have time to come in 2x/week for physical therapy or meditate 5 minutes a day”

 

Ok, I hear you, I do.

 

But your physiology doesn’t.¬† It doesn’t care about your excuses.¬† At all.

 

When you make excuses to me & are looking for alternatives, it is implying a few things:

 

  1. That I am just making other people follow through with certain things (like coming in 2x/week for PT,¬† or limiting a food causing a reaction) for the fun of it and really, they don’t actually need to be
  2. I have some magical easy alternative I reserve for super special people who have super special life circumstances
  3. You’re exempt from having to take care of yourself because your life is too busy/hard/complicated, etc.

 

Here is the thing, I feel you.  I do.

 

I used to be queen of excuses.

 

Actually, I am still pretty damn good at them.¬† I just am getting a heck of a lot better at realizing when they don’t serve me & then choosing an alternative (which is sometimes to just say “I’m choosing not to do this right now).

 

I am 100% willing to work with you & your plethora of excuses you’re willing to work with me to let them go and take control.¬† And I promise, I am not hiding anything from you.¬† In fact, in cases where therapy/coaching is sped up for artificial reasons (like insurance refusing to pay or you’re moving to a desert island with no internet), it is usually a huge dis-service to you.¬† Either lots of information just goes untold, or we cram in too much information and overwhelm your system.

 

Helping people figure out HOW to implement healthy changes into their life is EXACTLY what I do when I coach people.¬† If you don’t have the time, that is exactly WHY you should find the time to work with a coach who will help you put yourself as a priority – after all, it is your life.

 

Because frankly, your physiology is going to do it’s thing no matter what.¬† Just like athletes who tear a muscle before a big game don’t get to play or cancer develops in the most unfair way to the someone with far too much life ahead of them…you don’t get to just heal magically fast because life is busy.

 

In fact, the more your push back on this, the more your body is likely to retaliate.

 

After all, people usually get hurt/have symptoms because the body is crying out for something to change!

 

So what is something that you’ve been frustrated about not getting better that you haven’t truly given the time and energy to heal or change?

 

Your sleep? Back pain?  Energy? Stress? Mental clarity?  Digestive symptoms??  Relationships?

 

Let me know in the comments below if there is an area that you’ve tried ‘quick fix’ solutions for but they just haven’t worked….

My struggles could be gone in an instant…pt 2

A quick recap from my last post.¬† It ended with, “And I choose this daily work of fully believing that I am worthy of doing all of these things.¬† That I am worthy of the love & admiration from my husband, and of my amazing, perfect son…..Even when it feels hard as hell.”

 

Honestly, I often feel like these things should have mastered when I was 3.¬† I look around and often see people with effortless self-confidence & just ‘knowing’ they are enough, exactly as they are.

 

For me, that just isn’t the case. No amount of wishing, thinking it isn’t fair, or kicking & screaming is going to change that fact.¬† It takes me daily reminders of why I have chosen these paths.

 

And it took a lot of work to even get to this point.  Eventually, I hope to have it be effortless, or at least feel second nature.  I absolutely believe it will be.

 

But for now, I need these reminders Рespecially when I am already numbing myself with another handful of (dark) chocolate chips.  Or scrolling through facebook.

 

I remind myself that I don’t want a numbed out life, working the daily grind at a job I am not passionate about.¬† And even with these thoughts, I sometimes just keep scrolling and eating.¬† Saying ‘F You” to myself & my choices.

 

You are absolutely NOT alone if there are things you want in your life that you find yourself self-sabotaging.

 

It is my PASSION to help women through this….AND I STILL FREAKING SELF SABOTAGE.

 

 

It isn’t about being perfect, or never self-sabotaging.¬† Trust me.¬† Everyone does it.¬† Everyone.

 

It is what you do next that matters.

 

For me, it is reminding myself that this is MY CHOICE.  This is my life.  My path.  I am the one taking the next step Рeven if it is backwards.  Or straight into a hole & I curl up in a ball and whine a little.  It is me who then has to take the next step back out.

 

What is it that you want in life?  What is that path that you have chosen for yourself today?

 

For me, I choose this hard work of re-wiring my brain, of putting myself first & maintaining boundaries.

 

If you keep doing exactly what you’re doing – where will it lead you?

Are you happy with that?

 

If so, hell yeah!

 

If not – what is the one next tiny baby step you can take to alter that path?

 

If a plane goes off course by ONE DEGREE – that is 500 miles off course by the time they fly around the Earth.

 

So that means that even tiny changes results in a hugely different path over time, so don’t underestimate the power of going to bed 5 minutes earlier, drinking an extra glass of water, or going on a 5 min walk, or just smiling at yourself & saying “hello you beautiful badass” as you walk by a mirror…

 

 

Please do not hesitate to reach out if you need more support.¬† I am happy to help you identify the next step.¬† Just sign up here & be sure to mention “I want my next little step!”

My struggles could be gone in an instant…

 

 

 

At least once a week I get a call/text/email about some company who desperately needs a physical therapist.  Salary is 75-100k.  They will pay moving expenses if needed.

 

My job is in demand.

 

It would be so easy to just ‘fuck it’, and take one of these positions.

 

::poof:: all our financial worries would go out the window in an instant.

I could put Remy in daycare & the fact that there are days where we are literally working JUST to pay our nanny would be a thing of the past.

 

I could say ‘screw it’ to eating organic, high quality foods & spending half my paycheck at the grocery store.

 

All of this would seriously make things SO much easier.

 

But.¬† I’ve been there (well, minus the daycare thing‚Ķ.).

I’ve worked at the great paying PT clinic.

And everyday, I either complained about it, or had to spend valuable mental energy to focus in on a positive attitude.

 

 

I used to super-coupon on eat on a ridiculously cheap budget.¬† That receipt where you’ve saved 4x more than you actually spent?¬† That used to be me.¬†¬†¬† And I felt terrible.¬† I had more aches & pains at the age of 22 than most 65 year olds.

 

 

 

I could have listened to the doctors tell me there was nothing I could do for my post-concussion syndrome.¬† Signed up for disability.¬† And who knows where I’d be – still waking up every morning like I got hit by a truck, having to avoid most social situations, and feeling like my head was a hot air balloon.

 

It would be even easier to stop trying to manage my emotions – just explode on my husband when I’m angry.¬† Hold in what I do want & get mad when he can’t read my mind.¬† Avoid difficult conversations.¬† Have weeks where everything is ‘fine’ until I just can’t hold it in any more & I pick a fight.

 

Yah.¬† I’ve been there.

 

And sometimes, I am still there.

 

Which is exactly what I need to remind myself that I have chosen my own path.

 

I chose to spend thousands of dollars on my own health and recovery after my concussion.

 

I chose to quit my cozy job, go down to part time & start building my own business from the ground up.

 

I choose to stop, breathe & re-frame my mind so I can halt the reactivity and instead say something productive.

 

I choose financial struggles to have a nanny and not put Remy in a daycare just yet.

 

I choose financial struggles to feel healthy and not eat crap that I know makes my body feel terrible.

 

And I choose this daily work of fully believing that I am worthy of doing all of these things.  That I am worthy of the love & admiration from my husband, and of my amazing, perfect son.

 

Even when it feels hard as hell.

 

To be continued….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First, Clear the Weeds

Every summer, we battle these asshole weeds.¬† I’m pretty sure they grow 3 feet high in under 2 weeks.¬† This year, it felt like their weed babies had babies.¬† After about 6 weeks of sun + 6-8 weeks of not doing anything…this is what our backyard looked like:

 

It knew I needed to clear them…(mainly cause, bees..), but holy shit, I was overwhelmed.

 

Where do I even start!?

 

So I procrastinated a few more weeks since I figured I had to buy some more anti-weed fabric & mulch….and I just never got around to it…

 

Until one gorgeous weekend, I just really wanted an excuse to be outside…so I just started cutting down the tall ones (they are comfreys, in case you care…and they shoot their roots 10 feet vertically according to the internet, so you can’t dig them out!!).

 

And then, I couldn’t stop! omg, it was SO satisfying.¬† Once those were mostly down, I moved into the innards of our ridiculously weird gravel pit.¬† This was the part I was more worried about, as I assumed it would be hours of hand picking 1000s of weeds…

 

But, I just started pulling off (super fun, btw!)  ivy & was pleasantly SHOCKED to realize that it was pretty much covering everything.  Soooo satisfying!

Both the mulch & the anti-weed fabric (I’m sure that has a more official name) that we had put in 2 years ago, was actually still pretty much intact, so I didn’t even need to go to the store (the whole reason I had been procrastinating…)

 

And just a couple hours over a period of 3 days….this was the result:

 

 

 

 

 

Did you even realize there were rocks under all that??! Those 2 pictures are taken from the exact same spot.

 

What I had seen as an overwhelming project that would take a multiple weekends to finish was done in probably less than 6 hours.

 

I just needed to clear the weeds do I could see what was *really* going on.

 

 

And this is SO the case for our health.¬† Oftentimes lack of sleep, stress, negative thought patterns, poor nutrition & decreased movement can create some very complex symptoms & even diseases.¬† Some people may go years before receiving some vague diagnosis (and then left with ‘there is nothing that can be done’ or…here is some drug).

 

But sometimes, we just need to clear the picture first.¬† Move, get sleep, shift thought patterns & improve nutrition.¬† All of a sudden, things just clear out.¬† Confusing symptoms just go away.¬† And then maybe we’re left with a few weeds to pick, and some things that can be spruced up.¬† And what needs to be done is MUCH clearer.

 

You don’t need a fancy diagnosis, or to figure out what is going on with your thyroid or estrogen levels to start sleeping more, or to start a meditation practice.¬† You don’t need to wait for confirmation of anything to start decreasing processed foods & sugar or to eat more vegetables.¬† And you definitely don’t need someone to tell you it is okay to start a gratitude practice, or to start working on shifting thought patterns.

 

Just start somewhere.  Anywhere.  Maybe just drinking an extra glass of water.  Or taking 3 deep breaths (hey, try that right now!!).

 

Start clearing the picture. Things may not be as complicated as you thought!

Your role model’s big secret

It usually starts with the little things.¬† Making the choice to say,¬† “Why do I ALWAYS have to be the one to tell you to start dinner!!”, instead of: “hey babe, mind starting to prep dinner”.

And right after, I remember‚Ķ.”hmmm, ‘always’ & ‘never’ statements are rarely a good idea.”

 

And‚Ķ.I don’t want to apologize.

 

Even though I know that wasn’t nice.¬† It just feels annoying.¬† Like too much effort and work.

 

I don’t know about you, but we all have that person we either know or follow on social media that is just living a fabulous life.¬† They are endlessly positive, always seeing the silver lining & full of gratitude and joy.¬† Even in crappy situations.¬† They are your role model – what you ::want:: your life to be like (p.s. healthy comparison that moves you forward isn’t a bad thing…but that is for another post!)

Goal: Be as happy as this pup!

In my own self improvement journey, I am happy to say, I have times where I feel like that person! Even if crappy things happen, I’ll see the silver lining.

 

But then….I have a bad day (or week).  I get pissy & irritable.  I respond reactively.  I say or do things I KNOW are not in line with fostering healthy relationships.  And what makes it SO annoying is being SO freaking aware that I am doing it.

 

In these moments, it feels like this “new”, self improved me just makes things worse – because I am now knowingly sabotaging things!!! AND even worse‚Ķ.don’t care, or even feel powerless to get out of it.

 

So in the mentioned scenario‚Ķ.what is REALLY happening is that I am frustrated as shit that I “screwed up” and all my self improvement efforts aren’t paying off.¬†¬† Cause after all, what self improved person would be so snarky!?

And ::insert role model here:: would definitely never do that.    (And then proceed to beat self up for not being more like so & so).

 

But here is the big secret that no one freaking tells you: Even our role models screw up.

 

It was actually a lot of listening to Brene Brown (if you haven‚Äôt listened to her – absolutely go watch her TED talks now!) share her stories about her own shame that if finally dawned on me.¬† If a friggin’ shame RESEARCHER –¬† the very person who has educated this entire world on shame, still has shame‚Ķ.. Then DUH, obviously I am going to as well!

 

And this applies to every emotion.  Bad days are ineveitable.  Or irrationally lash out on our loved ones.  We will probably wallow in self pity for a bit too long.  Or have bouts of road rage here and there.

 

The difference is – what do they do about it?

 

I don’t know about your role models, but mine suck it up, figure out the next best step…and DO it.¬† They also self-reflect and understand where the breakdown happened & take steps to decrease the likelihood of it happening again.

 

So now, even when I am pissy, annoyed & frustrated‚Ķand don’t want to apologize.

 

I ask myself – ‘what can I do from here to get the outcome I¬†truly want?”

 

The “truly” part is key.¬† Because being right or getting revenge isn’t REALLY what I want (even if it briefly feels like it).¬† In the above case, my long term outcome is a deep, lasting connection with my husband.

 

And in the moment, I am often not thrilled with the answer of my next best step.  I argue in my head a bit Рbut ultimately remind myself that I am human, and it is OKAY that these things happen.

 

And then‚Ķ.in that scenario above:¬† I begrudgingly apologized.¬†¬† I admitted it wasn’t true.¬† There are plenty of times where my husband makes dinner without prompting¬† (and even if there weren’t, yelling about it isn’t the place to have a rational conversation).

 

 

And guess what?  Everything instantly felt a million times better.

 

Do I do this every time?  No.  But I am working on it.  The key is to hold onto that feeling, so I can get to that conclusion that much sooner the next time.

 

So next time you find yourself in a less than ideal scenario – remind yourself, ‘even my role models screw up’ & then ask yourself what they would do.¬† Because when we realize NOBODY is perfect, and it really is all about the next step (or the next one) it takes some serious pressure off!

 

Page 1 of 212